Thinking of you

I've had quite a few visitors to my website since it launched and I'm thinking about those of you who are visiting.  

Today is Labour Day in New Zealand.  A public holiday to celebrate the history and rights of workers.  A suitable occasion for my first blog.

Perimenopause and Menopause is a tough time for many women.  The symptom I noticed first was joint pain.  Horrendous pain in my shoulders that I just couldn't understand.  I had to stop driving one day, pull over to the side of the road and just cried.  I tried every supplement on the market and nothing would touch the pain.  The second symptom was the body heat.  Sleeping during the day (shift work) became virtually impossible.  I was so HOT!  I tried cooling mats, cooling towels, those fans that blow out cold air if you put ice in them, got another set of blinds for the bedroom and NOTHING worked.  I was running on fumes by this stage.  I knew I shouldn't have been driving due to the fatigue, but I had to get to work.  I nearly crashed several times.  Next came most incredible itchy skin on my back.  I changed my shampoo, conditioner, laundry powder, moisturisers, clothing, again nothing worked.  Then, the rage, anxiety and sadness kicked in.  I was sad, mad and bloody angry at everyone.  My husband and work colleagues bore the brunt of it.  In between the joint pain and the rage, brain fog appeared.  Slowly at first.  I started forgetting words and names, and felt like I was losing my mind.  Did I have some kind of neurological condition?  Brain tumour?  Early onset dementia?  At work, processes that had come to me easily were now harder to remember and information that had always been there had gone.  In a job (Police emergency dispatcher) where moments mattered (think a life-threatening water rescue or serious assault with a weapon), I had to refer to my Standard Operating Procedures (SOPs) more frequently which took time to find and read, then try to remember what I had read.  Then the self-doubt crept in.  Could I still do my job?  

By then, I was a hot, sweaty, angry, fatigued mess who was questioning her sanity.  Can you relate?  If so, I understand, and I know why you're here. 

I'm thinking of you.

Alica x